she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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