I'm gonna have a badass scar
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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