i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
