I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
