Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
