Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
