so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
