ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
