Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
