I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
