there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
