Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
