One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
