How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize
