I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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