So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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