so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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