I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
