tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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