My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
