You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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