i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
