can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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