The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
