There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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