Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sorry about my life...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
