we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
