You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
