He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
