big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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