It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
don't judge my taste in strippers
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
