Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
