I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
