We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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