Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
