Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
