She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
