My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
