it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
