I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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