i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
