Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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