I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
