If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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