That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
