He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
