I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
