There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
