just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
