Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
