Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
