and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
