I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
